This morning I pause to wonder, "Why do I do what I do?" If I were to ask my family, friends, and neighbors if what I do is noble enough, I believe the answer would be a uniform, "Yes!" But, if I were to ask, "Why do I do what I do?" the answer may be more muddled or cluttered. Understanding and mastering motives, learning and applying David’s instruction to Solomon, is an often overlooked, but constantly needed discipline.
Have I always mastered the self-introspective exercise? No! Unfortunately, I have proceeded to do some very nifty things because of what someone else might think if I didn’t. Or, to my shame, I went ahead because I could not find someone else to step in for me. On more than one occasion I simply did something to be noticed.
While negotiating the complexities of a demanding change in my vocation, I found myself emotionally at sea. Almost every relationship changed. As I began navigating through uncharted territory, I felt a bit like a rabbit running at full speed dodging trees and leaping over formidable hurdles. I previously knew nothing about the inner working of some church systems. I was dumbfounded when a leader pompously said, "We need structures to prevent abuses and confusion," and added many reservations about a new initiative for which I was filled with passion. I was stunned when confronted with institutional policies and individual preferences that could stop my efforts dead in its tracks. During a sleepless night, pacing, pondering, and planning "what if" scenarios, the Spirit confronted me with an all-important question, "If you are pleasing the Lord, why isn’t that enough?" That one question turned my eyes away from why I couldn’t understand or control and allowed me to apply all my energies to, "I will please the Lord!"
The years leading up to that Holy Spirit-human spirit confrontation were filled with incremental surrenders to the pleasure of God. As a boy I watched cassette trays of 35mm slides shown by missionaries. After listening to descriptions of deep darkness and human suffering where the Gospel was still unknown, I surrendered my life at an altar. Often, Mary Brown’s lyrics were sung en route to the altar.
It may not be at the battle’s front my Lord will have need of me;
But if by a still, small voice He calls to paths I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in Yours,
I’ll go where You want me to go.
Refrain
I’ll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,O’er mountain, or plain, or sea;
I’ll say what You want me to say, dear Lord,
I’ll be what You want me to be.
As a college student I thrived, in part because of Friday night Campus Missions Fellowship services. Each week a missionary would tell of his or her work and share opportunities for service. And, each week I said, "I’ll go!" at the chapel altar.
The hour came when the "rubber hit the road," and I was surprised that my motives were conflicted, my bearing wavered. I discovered Paul’s sobering instruction in Ephesians 5:8-10, "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord." If I could say, "I am pleasing the Lord," that was, and is, enough!
Additionally, God’s Word exposes the holy-human conflict. Hebrews 4:12 reads, "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Hebrews 4:12. My interpretation for life practice reads, "The Word of God exposes inward thoughts and challenges every motivation."
When one is able to say, "I know I am pleasing the Lord," he is able to shrug off 100's of opinions, 1000's of strategies, and millions of other priorities. Pleasing the Lord is enough!
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