On resolving disputes

Issues arise in relationships, family, work, church, neighborhoods, everywhere community ought to be happening. It is inevitable. Since all have sinned, we all have blind spots, built-in limitations which interrupt vision and make us vulnerable to stumbling. We simply have lost the capacity to understand others. Frequently we defend our viewpoint and become entrenched within our sense of rightness and lose the greater value of community..

When the misunderstanding is between two individuals, the dynamics allow for shared insights and straightforward words leading to reconciliation. But, it gets slippery when disputes are between factions in a larger group. I recently participated in a meeting and went away with a sense of grief, sorrow because I have friends on either side of the same issue. One faction accuses the other of power plays and political intrigue, and then, immediately counters its rivals with near-identical efforts. What was distasteful in someone else somehow became magically acceptable. Does the supposed rightness of a cause ever come with a license to be manipulative or coercive?

I have made an effort to distill the lessons I need to apply in my life.

1. I do not want to participate in any conversation which wins a point for my opinion at the expense of an elder or fellow disciple. This is usually facilitated by choosing language carefully and speaking from a Spirit-filled heart bearing fruit leading to reconciliation and community.
2. If at all possible, I will not dilute or distract from the excellent qualities of others, especially brothers and sisters in the Faith in order to win my point. Challenging assumptions or opinions is fair. Being unkind, angry or defensive in the process is less than Christ-like. Jesus deserves better.
3. I ought to be, uncomfortable matching wits, too frequently a thinly veiled verbal power play, when deferring to others with loving words has greater potential to result in better outcomes.
4. I need to listen more, speak less. Long ago I realized that while I am speaking, I am not learning.
5. Finally, in my opinion, if those I perceive to be rivals remain blind and unwilling to listen or resolve the divisive issue, we have larger problems than the present point of contention. All parties ought to give their full energies to rebuilding the spirit of community which distinguishes what Saint Paul calls the “household of faith.” Better decisions will result.
We are God’s workmanship. He is continually forming us, often by using others with whom we disagree or misunderstand. How we relate becomes the Message, the Good News, to those who observe.