Friendship - Part Four

Last week I spent time defining the blessings of friendships we have experienced. As I continue the theme this week, I spend some time on the friendship I share with Pat, a spouse for whom enough superlatives have not yet been coined. Most of all, Pat has been an unparalleled friend.

Since or simple honeymoon, shortened by one week because the supply pastor refused to fill the pulpit for a second Sunday, Pat has been a faithful, loving companion. We returned to the three small lean-to rooms at the rear of the church, and established the satisfying rhythms of married life. After nearly 45 years, I remain amazed that Pat and I have never been “down” at the same time and that Pat has never refused to embrace a dream I’ve shared.

She and I have faced some daunting challenges together, but one of us has always been able to summon the high road of faith and hope while the other may have doubted or even despaired. Health, finances, housing, child rearing, the death of our parents, church problems, critical decisions, we have experienced them all. For more than four decades as a pastor, Pat helped me carefully present ourselves with an appropriate, positive and hopeful public demeanor in spite of what was happening in our personal lives. I live with a sense of awe and wonder at the great gift God presented to me in Pat.

One of the times Pat’s role was amplified came as Jonathan and I were riding together after a day’s work together at Vailsburg Assembly in Newark. The mile marker on the Garden State Parkway is still visible mentally. As we rode, Jon shared how Lillian, his girl friend, was reluctant to live in a city and didn’t much like the church forming in Newark. After elaborating on what Lillian didn’t like about urban life and the church, Jon asked, “Dad, what do you think I ought to do?”

In retrospect, I believe the Spirit gave me a word of wisdom when I answered without having anticipated the question, “Don’t expect Lillian to change. You better be prepared to adapt to the dreams she has for her life, or you will be miserable.”

A few days later, at the same Parkway mile marker already mentioned, Jon initiated another conversation. He opened with, “Dad, I broke up with Lillian.” Pat and I knew because we were able to use our telephone and he was spending quiet evenings at home instead of driving eighty miles round trip to see the young lady we thought would be our daughter-in-law.

On the second ride homeward, Jon asked where he could find someone with whom he could share life and ministry. “Dad, I have graduated and am not meeting people like when I was in college. While I assured Jon that breaking up is painful and that the Lord would give him someone. I then asked, “What are you looking for?”

Jon’s brief and ready answer was startling and revealing. He said, “I want someone as crazy as Mom!”

“As crazy as Mom?” I asked. “What do you mean by that?”

“Dad, everyone knows you attempt to do crazy things no one else even thinks of doing. And, Mom is right there with you! She never refuses and always helps. That’s what I need and want.”

The second word of wisdom came without hesitation, the Spirit simply gave me counsel to share. “Look around to see who is already doing the things that will complement what you believe God wants you to do. Then, you will know.” We were shortly looking forward to a wedding. Miriam had already been immersed in the ministries of Vailsburg Assembly as an intern, and she is as crazy as Pat!

I have learned, and know from experience, friends allow one another to be crazy. Pat has stood should-to-shoulder with me embracing the unthinkable, attempting the impossible, experiencing the miracles. She has brought a balance to life. I am blessed!